[Archived Saturday, February 8, 2025. Heavy Snowfall. Overnight low of 19 degrees. Snow again. Bremerton, Washington. Transportation Correspondent: Rusty Rider]
Yesterday I got up early. Checked the weather. Peeped the snow outside my bedroom window. And decided. “Nah, not going to hop on the bike today.”
But today was a whole ‘nother story. I couldn’t help but feel that I had missed an opportunity. When I hopped out of bed and saw snow again, I put on my layers to prepare for the worst Jack Frost could throw my way. My commuter bike tires were a slidey mess. I couldn’t even make it to the end of my street without putting my feet down, twice. Shit. My mountain bike tires were flat from disuse because I lack the motivation to freeze my balls off in the middle of winter in the woods. Shit x2. This adventure was going nowhere fast. I’m awake. My blood is pumping. There’s 2 inches of snow. I don’t have to log in to work for another hour and a half…. and I have a subaru with a turbo!
Fuck it. I kiss the wife goodbye. “I’m going to go check it out,” I say with a shit-eating grin.
I hadn’t driven my car in over a month. I was extra excited to take it out. I found all the little nearby empty parking lots to get sideways, but quickly realized they were too small to really get crazy. I hit up a few main roads just to see where all the chaos was at. Nothing too bad. A few cars had gotten stuck going up hills. One was already being assisted by a big 4×4 truck. They looked like they had it under control. I got the vibe of the morning commute. It was generally going to be terrible for anyone driving. Worse for anyone trying to catch a bus. And even worse for anyone riding a bike.
Just as that thought occurred to me I saw this big dude of a pedestrian tromping through the snow on the side of the road near the post office. Dark. Cold. Snowy. I still had an hour to kill. I pulled over and offered a ride. He hesitated. He said had to go all the way to the other side of town. I was like “Dude, that’s way too far to walk…” He jumped in. “You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?” he asked. I laughed. I introduced myself as disarmingly as I knew how. He introduced himself as “Corey” (name changed to protect the innocent.)
We were on our way, but we didn’t make it far. Just as we crested the hill, the most beautiful, magnificent madrona tree was laying in the middle of the fucking road. Some dude holds up a hatchet. He motions us around the tree. we barely sneak by on the shoulder of the opposite lane. Corey says “Hey, should we help them?” “Yes!” I swerve hard.
He didn’t realize.
Clearing shit out
of the road is, like,
a hobby of mine.
We both jump out and approach the dude with the hatchet to see if we can help. This guy is chopping wood with zeal like a teenager that just found his dad’s playboy stash and I start to question my decision in this sidequest. He assures me the tree is way too heavy for us to move with human power, but asks if I have a tow strap. “Oh shit, I do!” and my turbo should surely come in handy, too, right?
I toss Hatchet-man my tow strap and back up to the corpse of the tree. Meanwhile, cars are taking turns going up and down the hill, getting stuck, turning around, but always following the directions of Hatchet-man. We attempt to get the strap tied on. Succeeding after the 5th try. I inch forward. Pulling the strap taught. Then give it some gas. All four wheels spin as the turbo spools. Sounds cool. But ineffective. I back up a tad to give it a jerk while everyone gives the hulking trunk a push. Success! The subaru is able to drag the tree mostly out of the road. At least opening up the two lanes. Hatchet-man says “We got it from here, thanks bro.” I suspect he’s excited to lay claim to that goldmine of madrona he had on his hands. Corey and I jump back in the car with that feeling of satisfaction like we had somehow cosmically balanced out a lifetime of sin and vice with the removal of a single tree. You know how overcoming hardship with somebody is like a shortcut to friendship? This is kind of like that.
But I didn’t have time to think about that, I had to get Corey to his job and get my ass back across town to my laptop for work.
I drop Corey off. I take account of my new situation. And I realize that this adventure has brought me to the land of large parking lots! Traffic is almost non-existent. This is my chance. I drive to the biggest lot find it completely empty. It even has some plow lines leftover from the previous day’s snow. The piles of snow are literally the perfect size and shape for some figure 8’s.
Turbo noises.
Sliding sideways.
Cranking the wheel left, then right.
Feather the gas,
Tap the brakes.
Five minutes of pure, innocent, illegal bliss.
// RUSTY RIDER
